What Parenting Teaches Us About Leading a Church
Written by Tyler Smith, Co-Founder & CEO of Text In Church
As a church leader, you wear a lot of hats. Some of these roles carry deep significance in your life, shaping who you are and how you live. For me, those hats include entrepreneur, Christian, husband, and father. And out of all of them, the “Dad” hat carries the most weight.
Parenting is no small task. It’s one of the highest-stakes roles in life—raising another human being is both a privilege and a challenge. Like many of you, I want to get it right, but I know I won’t every time.
Over the years, I’ve discovered three simple yet profoundly impactful principles that have shaped my kids’ character and growth. They’ve not only influenced my parenting but also taught me lessons about leadership in the church and beyond.
The Three Principles That Shape My Kids' Lives
Every morning when I drop my kids off at school, just before they hop out of the car, I remind them of three things:
- Be a good friend.
- Be a great leader.
- Do hard things.
These aren’t just words to fill the silence—they’re guiding principles that focus on building their character, accountability, and resilience.
1. Be a Good Friend
Notice that I say, “Be a good friend,” not “Make good friends” or “Make good choices.” The focus is on them—their decisions, actions, and how they treat others. This principle reminds them that while they can’t control other people, they can control how they show up in relationships.
Being a good friend is about caring for others, having compassion, and living out the Golden Rule: treating others the way they want to be treated. It’s about creating a ripple effect of kindness and generosity in their interactions.
2. Be a Great Leader
Leadership is a key value I want to instill in my kids. When I tell them to “Be a great leader,” I’m speaking into their potential. I’m telling them that they are capable of making a positive impact and that people will look to them for guidance.
This principle isn’t about authority or power—it’s about accountability and influence. Leadership starts with setting an example, being someone others want to follow, and carrying the responsibility that comes with it.
3. Do Hard Things
One of the greatest disservices we can do for our kids is shielding them from every struggle, failure, or challenge. Life isn’t easy, and protecting them from difficulties won’t prepare them for the real world.
Instead, I encourage my kids to embrace challenges. Whether it’s a tough situation at school, a disagreement with friends, or a setback in soccer, I want them to face it head-on. Resilience, problem-solving, and grit are qualities that will serve them throughout their lives.
I’m not saying we should throw our kids into harm’s way, but we shouldn’t rescue them every time things get hard. By letting them navigate struggles while they’re still under our guidance, we’re helping them build the confidence and strength they’ll need as adults.
Applying These Principles to Church Leadership
The same three principles I use to guide my kids can be just as impactful in leadership within your church. Whether you’re leading a congregation, a staff team, or a group of volunteers, these truths remain universal and practical.
1. Be a Good Friend
In ministry, being a good friend means leading with empathy and compassion. It’s about building genuine relationships with your team, congregation, and community.
As leaders, we have the opportunity to create a culture of care and kindness. When people feel valued and supported, they’re more likely to thrive. A church that models authentic friendship becomes a place where others want to belong.
Being a good friend also means listening well, offering encouragement, and being present in both the good times and the hard ones. These are the qualities that foster trust and connection within your ministry.
2. Be a Great Leader
Leadership in the church isn’t about holding a title or exercising authority—it’s about inspiring others to follow your example.
When you embody confidence, integrity, and humility, you set the tone for your team and congregation. Great leadership is about recognizing the value of others, encouraging their growth, and helping them see the role they play in the larger mission.
It also requires accountability. As leaders, we must own the influence we have and use it wisely. Whether we’re casting vision, delegating tasks, or navigating challenges, our actions should reflect the responsibility we carry.
3. Do Hard Things
Leading a church is no easy task. From tough decisions to navigating change, challenges are inevitable. Avoiding them isn’t an option, but facing them with resilience is.
When we embrace the hard things, we not only grow as leaders but also model perseverance for our teams and congregations. We show them that struggles can lead to strength and that challenges can result in transformation.
As church leaders, we’re called to press on in the face of difficulty, trusting that God will provide the strength and wisdom we need. By leaning into the hard things, we create an environment where others feel empowered to do the same.
Building Character, Leadership, and Resilience
These three principles—be a good friend, be a great leader, and do hard things—don’t just shape my children; they shape me. They remind me of what matters most, both in my personal life and in my ministry.
When we focus on building character, fostering leadership, and embracing challenges, we create a foundation for meaningful relationships and effective ministry. These truths help us navigate the complexities of parenting, leadership, and life itself.
So, the next time you face a tough decision or feel overwhelmed by your many hats, remember these simple words. Be a good friend. Be a great leader. And don’t shy away from the hard things. They just might be the very things that help you grow.
